Yesterday, I was sitting in the car, watching Mr B and Miss M play some kind of running back and forth game at his bus stop.
It was one of those moments that causes me to overflow with joy, peace, love, satisfaction... everything is right with the world when a brother and sister are racing around, eyes alight, laughing, him coaching her on how to go about the game with affection and kindness (and no bossiness, arrogance, or frustration), her taking it in with equal grace and enthusiasm. They were both fully engaged in the game, 100% there, together.
When they noticed me watching (probably with 'that smile' on my face), they scowled at me - my noticing was an intrusion, and not really welcome. It took them out of the space, made them look from outside at themselves, reminded them that others might be watching, stole some of the 100%-ness.
I looked away, and they resumed their play, but changed it so the new game would not be tarnished by my noticing.
I love that my children love each other. I know we set that up, encouraged it, coached the skills, and reminded them to engage with each other, trusted each of them to feel it. But it was still with fingers crossed and hope in my heart that they would not just love each other, but suit each other as well.
I have enough siblings (a LOT) to know that the 'click' is not there just because we're siblings. We don't all get along easily and smoothly. I get along with pretty much everyone, but even then, there are rough areas. Places that take some skill, patience, effort. And where I have to put in a lot of effort, the relationship is not as ... hmm, I was going to say 'strong/sturdy' but I think really it is that those relationships ONLY have the strong/sturdy, and none of the other structures and aspects. We basically don't connect as often, or for as long, when there is less of a natural fit. But at the same time, the love is quite an amazing bedrock.
My little brother M, who I sometimes refer to as the Golden Child (because he was), is a lovely, gracious, gentle, creative, and interesting person. Whenever we talk, it is as if nothing has changed, no time has passed, I could have just stepped out of the house back in high school and come back in, time folds, and we are as we have always been, at least once we reached adolescence. We don't talk often, but when we do, there is never any question of the depth of our affection for each other.
I'm glad that my kids seem to have that same thing. That same warmth, caring, open and comfortable love for each other. Even when they fight, part of the pain they fight with is that conflict between the love and what-just-happened.
My friend N asked how I stayed normal surrounded by such cuteness. The kids are definitely cute, too. But while the cute is sometimes overpowering, what really makes me go mommy-nuts, what makes me stop and grin stupidly while I watch them, or catch them up and kiss their heads while they squeal and laugh and demand to be put back down This Minute, is seeing the love they have for each other.