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March 28, 2009

Comments

Quadelle

Interesting info about arranged marriages. I hadn't realized about how much they take a long term perspective. It definitely makes sense to me that if you go into marriage expecting it to be work - and sometimes very hard work - that you're more likely to make the distance.

It is definitely possible to pull things together again after they've come apart. I know several couples who have managed to do it, and who have gone on to have relationships that were far better after than they ever were (even at their best) before. As a culture we are so quick to dispose of whatever is broken or in need of repair, including relationships.

caramama

I have known a few people (two very good coworker/friends, in fact) who had arranged marriages that worked out really well. I've had those same kinds of talks with them, really trying to understand the culture and see how it works. Both of the women who I was/am close to were highly educated, very smart, career women whose families made good matches for them based on the things you said in your post.

I'm amazed at how well it can work out, considering the fact that I don't think my parents would have picked the right match for me--and they know me pretty well. But who knows?

More to the point, I completely agree about relationships, especially marriage, taking a lot of work to develop deep love and solid relationship. So many people think that they fall in love, so it will all work out. If more people went into marriage and other long-term relationships realizing just how much work it would take, I think the matches that are made might be different.

Londo and I really are a perfect fit, and although we were friends first, we fell in love pretty quickly. BUT we knew that if we wanted it to truly last, we would have to work on it together. Being in love is great, but it's not as wonderful as the deeper love that can develop when you work together to build a lasting relationship through the good times and bad.

Anyway, I'm rambling as usually. Great post!

z

Arranged marriage has been such a part of my life and whereas my marriage was not arranged I agree with so many of the principles behind it. I also DISAGREE with so much of it but you touched on that with commenting about the abuse that is rampant in such a system.

I agree that an underlying friendship is important but I think it can broken down even further into basic respect. I don't know if it's me but it seems that in your core if you respect the person for who they are (and don't spend the marriage trying to fix them) then that is what gets you through the times. My in-laws who had a very traditional arranged marriage have had an extremely successful one because to this day they give each other the utmost respect and while to me it seems a formal relationship I see the love that it has created in their house.

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