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January 05, 2009

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sheSaid

um, I know very much what you mean. Maybe not about the cookies. I know what kind of cookies I like, it changes. But very much so going ok I can do it, you you you you then OMG ME! ME! ME! and 'loosing my shit' and not seeing the warning signs that it is about to happen and taking what I need before I loose it
Also I sat down to figure out what I was really passionate about. And I didn't know. I had been too scared, unsure, not allowed to even know what I was passionate about. So I am working on that too.

Madeleine

This is similar to my new thing, too, to know what I want. My story about myself is that I have an easygoing, whatever-you-want-to-do temperament. But I do have preferences and it ends up in a muddle, as you described.

My birthday is soon, with a zero on the end of it, and I got an idea in December for a pricey thing I want. So I announced to my husband "I know what I want for my birthday!" And he said "We don't need that." And I was pissed! When he wanted a Lego robot, a few years back, he went out and bought it for his birthday. No questions asked. So why can't I?

Anyway, it got me thinking about knowing what I want and making my own choices.

And when I persisted in my wanting, we talked through the logistics on what I want (a PVR) and figured out the best way to get it without spending a lot on what might become obsolete soon, and I think all is well.

But it helps that I don't have a 7 year old anymore :-)

Goddess Babe

When you discover the magic formula to reveal what-one-really-wants, do let me know.

I feel like I USED to know what I wanted, but now, not a clue. Feels like that, anyway.

hedra

I have all of those factors involved - not seeing the warning signs (for me that just means my psyche is WAY involved in making sure I *do* blow up, rather than trying to solve the problem, just venting it), and being generally VERY easy-going, roll-with-it, whatever-is-fine-with-me; AND I for a time had a handle on what I wanted, and thought that would stick - but what we want changes, dammit.

Sigh. At least I'm not alone! :)

Maria

Yikes, that inventing needs in order to make oneself miserable – Ach, it happens here a LOT. Ok, maybe that's not really what's happening, but it sure looks like it sometimes. And pair my total emotional ineptitude and P's natural tendency not to want to share or admit to her feelings… we've got trouble boys, right here in River City. And she's not even 7, she's 5. I feel you, Hedra.

Cathy

Good luck with the endeavor - it's an important one, and tricky even in the best of times. I'm glad you've already noticed that the "things I like" category can be slippery - and not just in the frosted animal crackers of your youth way - it can change more quickly than that. (Maybe that's me?)

It has taken me a lot time to stop poking "I am being miserable on purpose" with a stick. Eventually he comes around - it helps if (a)he's on the way out of 14 and (b)there's some lagniappe involved (like going to get ice cream after putting up with a trip to the playground).

I have a similar me/everyone balance issue with my time - I'll spend my spare time knitting/sewing/working on things for other people, but end up being resentful if the balance gets out of wack. It's helpful to me to have at least one project going just for me at any given time. Or if I'm getting something out of the process of one of the projects.

hedra

@Cathy, thanks. And no, not just you. My tastes do change more rapidly sometimes, I just hadn't particularly noticed that until you mentioned it. One of those 'yeah, d'oh! of course!' moments.

I also know that Mr B is very much in this stage of development. He wants so bad, and has no idea what it is that he wants. I suspect he wants most to feel safe and important and valued, and is hypersensitive to anything that doesn't take him 100% into account as a result, which means he's looking at 'am I important' through a microscope for any possible variations. Whee.

Time for some more litanies of why he's important, perhaps.

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