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December 15, 2008



I always used to do the "apology as empathy" thing, and it totally threw off the power balance between me & my ex. He'd be feeling bad about something totally not to do with me, I'd say a something which included the words "I'm sorry", and he'd be all "Oh, that's ok, it isn't your fault". Which just made me mad because I wasn't apologizing. I figured that maybe it was a girl thing and worked on being really clear about what was an apology and what wasn't.

Thanks for all these posts, I've really learned something :)


I wanted to add (later), exactly your point - that you can empathize without saying "I'm sorry" (most men will say, 'that sucks' or will minimize toward 'it's not THAT bad' - most women will trend toward 'I'm sorry', when they mean 'I feel for you' or 'I understand' or 'that sucks'.)

Anyway, glad you got the gist even without the specific case illustrated.

Maria Wood

We're deep in "it was an accident!" territory in our house these days. P is using it all the time (practically involuntarily) to get out of responsibility for, well, everything. It's starting to bug the heck out of me, so I'm not handling it particularly well, i.e. "I don't care if it was an accident! I don't want to hear you say that again!"

Ah, another Hedra post to print out and hang in a prominent position in my kitchen!

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