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November 13, 2008



My mother was always planning our weddings. 'You could get married here,' and 'when I'm the mother of the bride I'll wear that,' and so on. I think it was a way of fantasising about another Special Day in her life. Poor mum - 3 kids, no weddings. My brother still lives in sin and my sister and I are lesbians.


Ah, well - would it make her happy if you or your sister got married (CT, or if CA takes a step forward again?). If you're interested in that sort of thing. My sister did it, though I think it was her wife's dream more than hers. She'd already been married (cover marriage in the south a few decades back).

My mom expected certain of her kids to get married and have kids, and was I think relieved when one of my sisters chose not to go there. It bugged her no end that the rest of us weren't getting on with the job of making grandbabies. She kept a mental schedule - if I said 'we're thinking when I'm 28 or so' she'd talk to me 9 months before my 28th birthday to see what the plan was. Er. We did finally get her to step back a bit, but then she was all over the 'you need to want a daughter' - um, your fantasy, not mine!

So I try to step back from the fantasies, and remember that they are fantasies only, and mine only. I try not to even go there, because it interferes with enjoying where they're going on their own.

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