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October 21, 2008

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Cathy

My husband has had the epiphany recently that La will comply, but she has to finish her thought first, so you just have to wait a second. Then she will do what you asked her to do. Sometimes it take a lot of restraint to watch her finish her wiggle before she can sit down and put on her socks. But it's worth it.

These thoughts are surprisingly hard to write about - the idea that following my directions automatically make it the right thing to do (I'm sure these are my own issues) - and for certain things it definitely is, like not running into traffic, but for others, it seems kind of arbitrary, or at least the "now" aspect of it seems arbitrary. But, having some faith that the child would like to please you and comply (or would like the end result and will be willing to follow reasonable directions to get there) but also the child would like to finish whatever they were doing (just like a grownup would) takes a certain amount of faith - that it'll all happen pretty soon.

It seems like there are similarities (the child has his/her own agenda and a certain amount of self-deterimination) and differences (the actual agenda, reasoning ability, practice) at various ages that make this an interesting topic that gets revisited often in our parenting careers. I'm imagining maybe something like 18 mos, 3, 5, 9, 12, 16.

hedra

yeah, 'Wait/Have Faith' is on the list for the upcoming post(s). Miss R has a longer span of time before she can process her feelings than average, and I have to remind myself that I need to just wait. Not react, not respond, not anything, just WAIT. She WILL get to it, she'll open up, she'll become willing and able and non-resistant, if I have faith that she will and hold my tongue and don't push.

Hard to remember, some days. But it works when I do.

caramama

I'm going to mull over the list and see how I can apply them all to my toddler. The playful parenting has always worked pretty well for her. I also do silly looks, which really diffuses the situation quickly when almost nothing else will. She is a laugher, so just saying no and even redirection is FUN and FUNNY!

I'm trying to listen and reflect back, but it can be hard at this age. I'm also starting to ask, and even though she mostly doesn't know how to answer, I think it's getting her thinking about the whys of how she is feeling.

We definitely pick our battles and allow extra time, usually. I think (HOPE) it will get easier, but mine is still so young and going through that tough toddler phase when things just flip her out for no real reason that we can determine sometimes.

But I'm all about cooperation and not compliance, so we will keep trying. And I can't wait for part 2 and 3!

Goddess Babe

I've been getting a lot of "because I don't!" lately.

Today, she wigged when it was time for me to leave for work, wailing "Nooooo! Mommy! Don't! Go!" which morphed into "I'll come WITH YOUUUUUUUU!" (All the while, I'm thinking, "Oh God/dess, please don't let the babysitter take it personally..."

I'm at a loss these days about what to do about getting even mediocre compliance. Miss G is 2 3/4. When I'm more awake, I will absorb the post more fully.

In the meantime, keeping things crossed for your job hunt, and hoping it takes just long enough for at least one more lunch to happen!

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