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August 28, 2008

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Ashramama

"They drop things as they walk again, out of mind, out of hand. They get angry easily, and blame it on others. They'll stumble over shoe laces and not think to tie the shoe. They'll stand there and stare blankly at something, knowing there was something they were supposed to do with it, but unable to access the information (which they then may feel angry, resentful, scared, about and look for someone to blame). They think they know better than everyone, and at the same time they're blundering through all sorts of rules and reminders and guidelines and ... whee.

They're also really easily wounded, emotionally. Everything hurts different. They take things personally."

But this sounds like me, now! I've never got past 7! (I wish I was kidding, but I'm so not...!)

Christi

Wow, this is fascinating - I had noticed the behavior but I didn't know why it occurs.

Actually, I like seven (don't hate me :-) ). Like Ashramama, I can identify with some of the spaciness and the sensitivity. Also, I had some difficult things happen around that age, so I think that helps with being patient.

That said...my five (almost six) year old is hitting some sort of transition that is driving me completely insane. She's very imperious and, well, mean (I can't think of a better word) with family, though still sweet and bubbly and outgoing with people outside of the home, afaict. Which is good, but it's still not very fun being her mother (or dad, or brother, or dog) these days. *sigh* I can totally relate to the 'where did my sweet child disappear to?' and 'where did I go wrong?' feelings.

hedra

Standing at the bus stop with Mr B this morning also reminded me about the cool stuff on this age - it has upsides, definitely.

And, um, yeah, temperament-wise, I'm like that, too. Distractable, not moored too close to the pier... Sigh.

I also had some serious bad experiences at 7, so that makes it probably harder for me. Add in that seven is a lot like my worst personality features all rolled up in one package...

I love 2 and 2 1/2 even, so I know about loving the stages that seem too much for others. I may even enjoy seven more this time, since I know what's coming, and can look past that more easily. Certainly seven with Mr G had some major upsides, too. I just have a lot of work to do with seven, and it isn't my strong areas of work...

@Christi, there's the whole School Child/Home Child thing there - away from home is one thing, at home is entirely another. Sigh.

Cathy

Shoot. I think we just went through this with the 14 year old. I just realized that he's been 14 since last December, so the 2nd half of 8th grade and part of the summer. Holy Toledo.

It's probably a technically different rewiring, but similar effects on the outside - dark and stormy, flaky, oblivious. And, like you, it hit me all of a sudden that he wasn't 10 anymore (which is, I think, when we last reassessed the rules for him).

Luckily, I think we're through the worst of it - and he's now starting to be an outside facing teenager, finding intersts of his own to pursue, (hopefully)becoming self-sufficient at getting his everyday stuff done.

He still has moments of flakiness, but it's starting to be easier - since they're not constant anymore- there's a light at the end of the tunnel. They do show up when he's stressed or tired, though. The first week of school was tricky. But, I think now that it's starting to be in a groove, it's better.

The pediatrician said he'd get his act together at 15 - my husband took him to the camp physical this summer and one of my questions was, "When will he grow out of being such a goofball and get his act together? Please don't say 25 or 30."

hedra

I think it was Moxie who said these rewiring stages double - 3 1/2, 7, 14... And interestingly, at 10, the Ames and Ilg books jump to non-annual, it's 10-14 year old, not 10, 11, 12, 13, 14 separately. I bet there's a reason (I haven't bought that one yet).

hedra

Oh, crud. I just realized that means that when Miss M and Miss R are 7, Mr G will be 14... *ulp*

Cathy

Shoot. And I was just thinking that you have 2 - 3 1/2 year olds and a 7 year old. Sounds like a cheap thrill. :^)

It's always something, isn't it?

hedra

They're almost 4, so they just edged past the worst of 3 1/2 before he started the 7 stuff... so I had about two or three weeks of break between the 3 1/2 and the 7.

Yes, they're all born at the same time of year. Three are on the same day (twins on eldest's birthday), and the middle child gets to 'go first' each year - his birthday is just over two weeks before theirs. Which means I hit all the disregulation phases at the same time. For all four, when the half-years are playing their part.

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