Hands Full of Rocks

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July 10, 2008

Comments

Cathy

Wow.

1. It's kind of amazing what kids hold on to and remember. I suppose it shouldn't be surprising (because I do it too), but it still surprises me.

2. You are brave.

3. It's also kind of amazing how many of my dad's little sayings to us as kids are very useful (effective, prudent, kind, safe - a sound byte instead of a lecture) - the ones I fall back on most recently are: "First things first" (or "one thing at a time") and "You can always have seconds." (esp. good for the pizza + waffles situation) It's gotten to the point where I say, "You know what my dad always says?" and the kid in question will answer, "First things first?" which is true, but hardly ever the phrase I'm looking for.

4. Getting used to having 3 kids from 2 kids is tricky (I can only imagine going from 2 kids to 4). There are a lot of needs to be met (incl. mine and DH's). Which may not have been the point you were trying to make, but it's something that I see in your post because I'm thinking about it now. :^)

Madeleine

If I think about this too hard I'm going to cry. Thanks for sharing, and thanks for being a parent who can listen to all of that.

hedra

@Cathy, the hard thing with going from 2 to 4 is that you just MUST drop a lot of balls, and then it's a lot harder to figure out where all of them rolled when you start picking them back up again (which is what we're in the process of, now).

@Madeleine, I end up alternating between wishing I'd been able to have that conversation with my mom as a kid, and being sorry for having dropped so many balls for the last few years. BOTH make me want to cry.

I did have that conversation with my mom as an adult, which was good. But ... but being able to spot and RESOLVE issues instead of continuing them? So useful. Years of unhappiness could have been skipped (not that my mom was the cause of my unhappiness in general, but that I needed that outlet and the problem-solving).

And so far, the things that were bottled up pain are now eased up to the annoyance level. Not fury and hurt, just 'jeez, guys, would you quit that?'

Madeleine

@hedra, yes, it's both of those, for me too. I don't know if I could have that conversation with my mom now -- we've had it in miniature a couple of times and it hasn't brought me any closure because I still feel like she's too defensive to hear me. There is no miniature for this -- only the full missile attack can drain it all, I think.

And it renews my dedication to do better for my daughter. And I'm not, yet. Probably a bit better, but not all of it.

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